And again

I am back to my blog. Its been long since my last post, and its unlikely anyone is going to read what follows, but here we go again.

A brief recap of the past few months. New projects, Fading relationships, Briefly kindled new interests and a few old ones rekindled, Talks of formulating ideas that will involve talks of new ideas regarding some more new projects. Yeah, same old, same old.

Don't you feel suffocated at times? Of course you don't. You are used to this life; in fact you devised this life. I wonder why? What made Man/Woman give up on their freedom? What made them domesticated; to the point where they felt they had to go out and domesticate those poor creatures who probably didn't want to get chained in! Poor sods. Talk about rights!

The whole world is obviously going up in flames; the politics of gender, the politics of money, the politics of politics, the politics of human relations deteriorating into scripted pot-boilers, played out in our private theaters to the point we're too desensitized to give a rat's ass about what else is going on in the world or even in our own backyard.

Are we a more selfish generation? We hear that the generation gone and the generation that is passing has been at Man's destructive best; creating a mess that's seemingly beyond repair - the wars, the pollution, the corruption that's seeped so deep into the core of our systems, anyone brave enough to challenge it is simply consumed by it even before he/she can utter 'viva revolution'. But then again they say, it doesn't end there. They say the real damage has been made to our basic psyche; we've been bred into zombies, eating off the same dishes, just better packaged, and customized for our own tastes. To paraphrase from a recent film, we're all coins - none more distinct from the other, none with any more purpose than the other - make enough money, have a family, grow old, die, and not necessarily in that order.

But then again its way easier to blame those that are gone, than to accept responsibility ourselves. Its so much easier to say, let's just accept things the way they are and make the best of it - even if it means giving in to and in fact encouraging corruption, leading self-centered and egoistic lives, because since no one else cares, why should we?

With technological advances, anything and everything is possible, options are more than ever before, more channels, more information, more speed, more of everything, but 'spunk'. More on that, later. Sounds cheesy, I know, but that's what it is. We're provided everything, quicker, bigger, and everything-er than ever before, and yet what have we really gained through all this?

Are we more compassionate, or are we just so used to the comforts of our own existence in air-conditioned rooms, and flashy lifestyles, that we'd sooner turn a blind eye to the injustices of the world, than accept the faults of our previous generations, as well as our own; let go of the material and find something primal, something that we can cherish even if all we have is the sky above us and the earth beneath and nothing in between. Are we any wiser, or is the risk of that too great - too much to lose; our attachments to our pursuits for the transitional and in truth, immaterial, too strong; the quest for a higher ideal just a passing fad for some neo-hippie lot, who would sooner escape the realities of life, than accept responsibility for what goes on in their very homes.

Don't get me wrong; I type this on a laptop, enjoy the comforts of cold water from a fridge during these ridiculously hot days and the warm food served by an oh-so-patient housemaid. I am surely the last person, rather no one to judge any other, than by my own actions, and self-introspection. I just look at myself in the mirror, and I feel... lost. I find purpose in some things I do, joy in helping those who suffer; yet find that I lack the courage to shape my own life.

I cannot bring myself to accept that our lives are just mere short stories, and novels, admired by some, ignored by others; but whatever the outcome, all they are is another spot occupied on a bookshelf. To use the analogy - after the game is over, the king and the pawn go back to the same box.

Are we all, not living just choreographed lives, playing them out in a stage, each fighting for some more screen-time, each hoping that we get more appreciation from the audience, than the other - more concerned whether we are playing our own parts right, than if the audience is even bothered to see us perform. I mean, who is our audience really?

Barring our parents (for whom putting up a show is like convincing a mirror that I'm Napoleon. You know you are not and so does the mirror), some of our friends (who would rather share the beer, than talk of suppressed emotions), who else gives a hoot really? In fact, everyone is already in the play - all they care about is their own performance!

So maybe I'm being a bit too harsh, or a bit too cynical, which is quite unlike me really; or maybe I am just wondering what I am doing up at 3:45 at night (I can already hear the crows.... doing whatever crows do), but it does make me wonder, really - as Alfie says: What's it all about? You know what I mean?

I sure hope you do, else I'm just raving mad. What's it all about? How are we to change this world, a world that has stopped making sense so long ago, that 'sense' itself has given up. We see, but we cannot trust what our eyes show us; we hear, but so much of it is just fabricated lies and garbage that corporations sell us to line their own pockets; forget touch - we are so alienated from nature, we've forgotten the touch of the earth. When all our senses fail us, when all we know is lies and more lies - how are we to know the truth? Moreover when we do, by some rare off-chance come across the truth, what are we to do with it?

Shall we continue turning a blind eye, afraid of the consequences of accepting the truth, living by it, or shall we face it, undeterred, undiluted, incorruptible. Today, when all the lines are blurred beyond recognition, when shall we wake up to the true purpose of our lives, when do we say enough is enough - I will not go gentle into the good night, rage rage I shall against the dying of the light.